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Tuesday, May 3rd, 2011
11:58 pm - The Time Traveled Road.
As I walked along my dirt road ...  I feel .... it is hard to describe but I feel a sense of rightness.   A feeling that somehow this is familiar and that I belong ...  just feels right ..   but a sense that it is of a different time.   It is hard to explain that emotion as it comes from deep within and spreads out to the air around me, like some how I have gone back to a different time.

I don't get this feeling when I drive down the road ... that one is a feeling more of annoyance as I am one of a very few who care for the roads and their upkeep.   Or maybe because I am in a hurry and have places to go.

Why do I feel differently when I walk?  Is it because of this shift in time that I feel?  That a car doesn't belong that maybe the time goes back to when you walked or took horses?  Time feels slower when I walk down my dirt road ... almost like a sense of peace and the sounds I hear are more the birds and the insects ... the wind in the trees ... 

Sometimes I feel or hear the faint swish of long skirts or is that my imagination chiming in and embellishing the ambiance of walking quietly down my road.

Did I live another life where I walked down country roads?   Did I walk to a school or a neighbor's house?  Or did I just wander down the road enjoying the quiet solitude, the peace, the birds, the insects, the wind in the trees?

I wonder what was this other life was like?  I'm intrigued by this parallel glimpse that I sense.   Can the time shift, can I slip back?  

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Saturday, April 30th, 2011
12:20 am - The Inner Child's Playground
Along life’s adult path
hidden within
its twists and turns
there are glimpses seen
through greenish boughs
around thicking trunks

 a place that promises
smiles and laughter
carefree hopes
moments belonging in the now.

Wistful dreams
youthful longings
unburdens of the heart
that cry, find this place.

 A playful park
a forgotten playground
freedom on the swings
dizzying moments around
exhilaration of sliding to oblivion
Just to simply be.

where is the key to unlock the gate
to find the legend of the map
the maze to unravel  the way.
the path to clear

 Or maybe it is just one simple rule
to find …  look within.


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Sunday, April 24th, 2011
7:56 am - I've Lost my Way
What is a compass?

A small round device
A giver of advice
to directions one seeks

A needle points the way
to North it will say
this way to go

Show which is west
it does not jest
nor does it lie

to the eastern rise
beginnings in disguise
that look up

or south to look down
but do not frown
for the way is clear

What is a compass?

A small round of hope
A way to cope
to show this way

What if the compass
points to an impasse
a standstill

to point around
another way to be found
a direction to seek

to find another way
to keep fear at bay
a new way to go.

What is a compass?

That is lost.

©2011 Written by AlwaysWondering



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Monday, January 18th, 2010
7:50 pm - Wasn't meant to be

It is with profound sadness that I have sought the solace of a long lost neglected friend, writing.

 

It is amazing how one simple question from one person can have such a profound, eye opening impact.  The pursuit of that answer has changed the perspective of my current life, my future, and how I have viewed the past.  It is like a mini Pandora’s Box, the answer can’t be taken back, hidden, or buried.  I think woe to me if I now try and just ignore it and hope it will just go away.

 

I long for the shoulder of a friend to cry upon, to talk about the sadness within and the impact it has upon me.  Because of my illness I don’t have the friends I use too.  Friends I did have many have moved away and have new lives they lead.  We keep in touch but it isn’t the same as a “Bosom Buddy.”  Because of my new life style and home based job I don’t make the new friends I should.  The one friend I truly should have, I am invisible too.  Life has become lonely, how lonely I had not realized until just recently.  It was something that just crept up on me like a slow drifting fog, or a drifting off the path into the dark woods, not realizing it until I became lost and unable to find my way.  The realization was gradual even years in developing, there were hints at the edges of my mind, thoughts that drifted up dwelled upon but not acted on or other excuses made (cover ups), maybe even tinting decisions made.  The literal impact of this “realization” was rather sudden, like hitting bottom with a good jarring thud.  Though in all honesty I was not blind to this bottom just didn’t think I would hit it and was doing things to keep that from happening.  Thought I was succeeding.

 

My life has many good things in it.  Things that bring me joy, laughter and give thanks for.  There are other things that I am not or have not been happy with for many years but a balance had been achieved between the two.  I had created a comfort zone, a certain amount of peace. I believed it was what was wanted and I accepted even made my own excuses when none were given.  I even created a pocket of my own life one I knew would also help my family, one I intertwined with all the factors in my life.  Though it has its sacrifices, maybe too many.  But what can one do if one wishes to be self reliant and has so many limitations?  Maybe that thought blinds me.  Maybe it is fear that drives me.  A fear skirted not totally ignored but disguised.  Maybe this is the fear now in the open.

 

I see this peace was an accepted sort of peace, a compromise because I truly believed I could not have, nor deserved any better, any thing else was unachievable maybe even unwanted, or just maybe the way it was suppose to be.  I had accepted and this acceptance was for the future and the years ahead.  My struggles over it, I had given up on years ago.  I recognized there were struggles, but who doesn’t have struggles?

 

Acceptance has become such a way of life for me, which many compromises were made in for a variety of reasons, many good and some I still believe for the right reasons.  Maybe I should not have been so compliant, but maybe I would not have been so compliant had I the confidence in myself that managing a life illness takes away from you.  Self Belief.   Funny that comes up, as it is my New Year’s Resolution, “Believe in myself”.  I wanted to have faith in myself in what I can and would like to try and do for the next year.  I was making plans and dreams.   Dreams still along my same path but maybe that path might have some more sunshine and flowers along it if I tried.  Believe in me and the seeds can be planted and they can grow.  I tell myself this and my soul is uplifted.  .  I had hope for this, it was a New Year. 

 

I’ve tried the usual New Year Resolutions like “Losing that extra weight”, “More Exercise”, “Organizing things”,  “Being better about this and that”,  my usual list, all those things that are tried and more often than not fall to the wayside.  So I thought I would try a new one, and only “one” I told myself, I chose “Believe in me, Believe in myself.”

 

I was telling myself that every day, several times a day and I was doing it.  Little steps, little changes, and just believing I could do it.  I understand my limitations and know that not everything is achievable but there are things that are achievable and I wanted to reach them.  I wanted to believe I could if I did just believe, not just try.  But believed if I believed in me it could be.

 

That belief was just shaken to the core and staggered me to my knees.  I actually felt a stab through my midsection that doubled me over.   To find out that one is unattractive, unloved, and unwanted, I would rather be invisible.  My comfort zone, my accepted peace now has a 4 year deadline.  My future just crumbled around me.  My life that peace crumbled around me, my belief in me crumbled to dust.

 

I’m being asked to accept this deadline, all for the love of a cherished one, a child.  I’ll accept, she is too precious not too, but I struggle with this asked acceptance. I don’t think I can pick up the pieces of my shattered peace and put them back together.   Do I even want to?   All I have worked for up to this point is now lost or will be lost.  To contemplate this future creates this weight of dread in my heart, brings tears to my eyes and a fear to my soul.  How can I believe in me when what I was doing was because of this belief but now is being driven because of fear and a desperation to hold on to what was and what was to be.   Believe in me and it could be, maybe it wasn’t meant to be.

 

 

 

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Tuesday, June 26th, 2007
11:36 pm - Restlessness

Restlessness stirs my soul much in the same way one absent-mindedly stirs a cup of hot tea.  Sips of thoughts wander around in aimless circles dissolving as easily as a teaspoon of sugar might.  They drift away as easily as the steam blows away with the softness of a sigh. 

 Thoughts, wandering off in an aimless fashion, like the clouds in the sky.  Helpless to follow any direction except what the wind wills.   Attempts to grasp them are like trying to capturing the tendrils of an early morning fog, a mistiness that clings to you even in its elusiveness to evade your touch.

 Restless thoughts without substance yet with the power to leave a longing in the soul that cannot be controlled nor ignored.  A longing so sweet it brings the mistiness of tears to the eyes.  Their meaning hovers on the horizon of forgetfulness, leaving behind a yearning to try to remember them.  The frustration only adds to the restlessness that wanders the maze of the heart to the soul.

 Restlessness stirs my soul, creating a powerful need that I am powerless to control.   A need I do not understand, whose fathomless depths seek to drown me.  A want that is just out of reach, yet as close as the touch of a shadow.  Just as helpless to lose. 

 A need that is confusion in its complexity to be understood.  A need whose substance is the mist left over from the roar of a falling waterfall.  A need that drowns you beneath the tumbling waters leaving you gasping for breath.  Then it sets you adrift down the chasm of your soul.  Leaving you feeling lost and without direction.

 Restlessness stirs my soul, its touch as elusive as an early morning dream. Touches of insanity that only dreams can make sane.  Fragments of memory, little hints at remembrance and promises of the clearing of confusion.  Whispers that trickle along the back of the mind, lost echoes that strain to be heard.  Mirror reflections of ambivalent thoughts.

 A restlessness stirs my soul and I am lost in it.

 

 

 

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Sunday, June 24th, 2007
11:26 pm - Strawberries and Rainbows

It is day froth with ambivalence. The weather is to blame, as it cannot seem to make up its own mind. It will start to rain, and then suddenly it stops. The wind will blow for a bit then it will be still. The sun shines but the clouds are dark overhead. How can I make up my own mind when I am surrounded by such ambivalent behavior? I go out to garden, then it rains, I go in and am undecided what to do. I go out again when it clears, only to be blown around by the wind. I go back in and wander around aimlessly. I go out again wearing a sweatshirt and I am over heated. I run in, take it off, and come out and the wind picks up and mocks me with its coldness.

I suppose I should respond with amusement at its mockery of decisiveness. To laugh at my own determination to garden in the face of such ambivalence. Maybe the weather has its own sense of humor and is laughing at me at the tricks is likes to play.

Maybe the two of us will smile and salute each other in recognition of the playful ambivalence. However, I imagine when I head out one more time the weather is going to get the last laugh!

 

Lulled into believing the wind had died down and the summer showers had abated I wandered outside again. Soon after settling into my gardening, the weather with a mischievous blow of the wind sent the rain showers down upon me again. Determined to wait them out I continued on with my gardening. The wind picked up and the rain came down harder. I continued on, calling the weather's bluff, and believing it would soon quit.

As the rain continued to come down harder, I gave a big sigh. Gathering up my gardening tools, I was ready to throw in the towel. A soggy one at that. As I headed out of my gardens, I spied the bright red blush of a ripe strawberry dripping with droplets of rain. Pulling my garden gloves off, I plucked that ripe berry and popped it in my mouth. I savored the sweet freshness that only a freshly picked homegrown strawberry has. With a smile, I continued to pick and enjoy strawberry after strawberry. The rain and wind no longer matter only the simple enjoyment of my homegrown strawberries.

Suddenly the sun came out and I smiled. As I savored another strawberry, I lifted my face to the falling rain, closed my eyes, and smiled into the shining sun above. I don't believe a more perfect moment existed.  A moment so special that it nourishes the soul.

After a few more strawberries the rain let up, the wind quieted down, the sun continued to shine, and I went back to my gardening. I believe the weather and I had called a momentary truce.  As the day waned, I wandered back inside. As I disappeared inside the weather went back to its ambivalence.

Later that evening from the sanctuary of our kitchen, the kids and I watched it pour. As the rain fell, the sun came out with a shining brilliance and we went in search of rainbows.

 

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Saturday, June 23rd, 2007
6:15 pm - A Forgotten but Found Playground


 

It has been a very long time since I have wandered over to this journal.  I feel a bit on the lost side but with feelings of nostalgia and a longing to run my fingers along the framework.   A longing to wander down familiar almost forgotten paths, a longing that took me back reading over past entries.   Some made me smile, others brought tears to my eyes, and I had to ask myself, “Why did I stop writing?”

 

I have excuses but really no good reasons.  Maybe a laziness of the mind or maybe just a fuzziness of time moving by without a comprehension of how much truly has slipped on by.  A fleeting thought of how much has been forgotten.   A twinge of sadness tweaks the heart at such a thought.  Maybe that tweak is the start of becoming motivated to write again?  However, is sadness a reason to write?  What of joy, humor, or even just contentment.   What of the daily mundane or is that better forgotten?  Maybe the mundane would be a good start, a beginning to learning to play with the words again.  

 

A playground, stumbled back upon, with fond memories to reflect back on and maybe new ones to create. New memories to forge new paths that later can be reflected upon and not forgotten.  A reason to play again, or to play for the simple joy of playing.

 

To write again, for the simple joy of writing.

 

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Friday, December 2nd, 2005
5:27 pm - Look into their eyes
I see the promise of life when I look into the eyes of my children or the little eyes of my baby puppies. A soulful look into what is and what might be. When a set of those eyes is eternally closed and the promise of life extinguished a pain of sadness slices through the heart and the soul is touched by a profound sense of regret. Such sadness and regret touched our family yesterday with the loss of a teenager friend of my oldest son.

We were left reeling in disbelief, shock, and fear at the swiftness and finality of this tragic accident. As I held my weeping son in my arms I felt a pang of guilt at the relief I felt that I still had him, that he still held the promise of life in his eyes. Saddened eyes that I looked deeply into as I pushed a lock of hair away and told him I loved him. I took the time to wander the house and look into my other kids' eyes and hug them, telling them that I love them.

My dogs sensing the profound sadness offered their own comfort. Such soulful trusting eyes they have. I hugged them close as well. I picked each puppy up and looked deeply into their eyes, rubbed noses, and gave them kisses as silent tears fell from my own eyes. I am reminded what special little treasures they are. They all are, especially my children. I am so blessed to be touched by them.

It is sad that it takes a tragedy to amplify the appreciation that lives in our hearts. I share these thoughts with my readers, even though it is really not a puppy moment, so they can take a moment to look into the eyes of their loved ones to see and appreciate the promise of life in there and embrace it! Hold it close and savor that moment, let your heart expand and be filled with it. Don't wait for the whisper of death who can steal such promises in the blink of an eye.

I am grateful and humbled by the trust placed in my hands by those eyes reflecting all of life's promises.

Josh, may you rest in peace, and your family find comfort in the promises of the eyes of those that still surround them.

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Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
10:18 am - Shadow Identities ...
I just discovered another person who has plagiarized my writings. She copied my whole introduction, an introduction that was written from my heart and soul. I can't decide if I am pissed off, flattered, or just simply annoyed with the person. She also mimicked my name as close as possible. Does this person not have her own imagination that she must create and live in someone else's shadow? Maybe I should feel sorry for her.

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Friday, April 1st, 2005
5:50 am
April 1, 2005

I squint at the time in the corner of my computer … 5:09 AM … but what day is it? I know it is Friday but is it really April Fools?

I’m squinting because my glasses broke and I haven’t gotten them fixed yet … why? It is complicated … too complicated for 5:09 AM.

Why am I up? Good Question even better why am I up, squinting at an overly bright computer screen and typing at 5 AM?

Read more...Collapse )

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Thursday, January 13th, 2005
11:42 am
One of my New Year Resolutions was to pick my journal writing back up … So here I go …

Read more...Collapse )

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Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
11:52 pm
All day I have felt horrible. Terrible dizzy spells, nauseousness, emotional instability, aches and pains, just horrible. It was the dizzy spells and the horrible heaviness in my head that finally made me think of my depression medicine. I ran out and have been so busy I haven't made it into town to refill the prescription.

I got on-line and started reading and believe I am in withdrawal :( I am just sitting here in tears, actually barely able to sit without toppling over.

I read a help site and they gave some suggestions and one was to go write in a journal and express the awfulness in the hopes of emotional purging. My husband wants me to call the Dr. and get on a lower dosage to taper off but right now my whole body rebels at the idea! I don't think I could force another one of those pills down my throat. I am angry at myself for trusting my Dr and not doing my own research, why don't they tell you about this part? Normally I do my own research but he reassured me it was safe with minimal to no side effects :(

Another suggestion was to drink lots of water, which I am trying to do but my stomach is struggling with this. I took some of my natural supplements and anti-toxins. Mentioned lots of raw food and anti-toxins. Tomorrow I will go on a juice and veggie fast and see if I can't purge my system.

I tried to lay down and sleep some of it off but I can't sleep so I am caught in this cycle and can't get loose. It is truly awful! And at such a happy time for me too! I've been up in the air with my new puppy, our new trailer is coming tomorrow or the next day, summer has been quite enjoyable ... until now ...

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Thursday, June 17th, 2004
11:54 pm - This is Heidi ...
Hey I know her ....... A solo woman's almost year long bike tour from North Carolina to Alaska and back again.

http://www.crazyguyonabike.com/journal/?opts=300&doc_id=430&mtime=20040617161448#

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12:15 pm - New Trailer!!
I'm so excited! Our new trailer is almost done! He sent us pictures and I see he posted one on his web site! Check it out!!

http://www.richsportablecabins.com/ The Puget Sound Loft with Bay Window.

Don't ya just love that log siding?!! The interior is being done in pine-grooved paneling!

This was our design, picked and put together from several trailer models, and built by Rich! He named it Puget Sound after us! Cool! :) He is working on the inside now!

I can't wait to camp out in it! :)

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Wednesday, June 16th, 2004
9:45 am
Finally heard from my Dad. He is getting married ... again! For the 6th time! Though 3 of those were to the same woman, who he recently divorced ... again.

He sounds happy and I am truly happy for him. I have, over time, grown to truly dislike Reba (the one married 3 times). I hope this time it all works out and this woman can pull him back into the family loop instead of dragging him out like Reba did.

Of course his email was full of how God brought her into his life and how blessed he is etc. Well according to my Dad, God had everything to do with his last 4 marriages and it was God's will for the divorce ... *sigh* I sure hope God got it right this time!

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Thursday, June 10th, 2004
11:22 pm
Oh man was it hard getting up this morning. I actually hit the alarm and fell back asleep. Luckily I woke back up 15 minutes later. I was having a weird dream about going to bunko and sleeping through most of the game, while I was playing, and the ladies there were laughing about it. I have such odd dreams.

Ran a few errands with Andy, what a pill he is in the car when he is feeling feisty! I tried to clean house in between play sessions with Andy and get some laundry done. It was cool and quite windy outside so I didn’t try to garden.

Taking the boys (I carpool with another Mom) to the gym after school is an adventure in itself. The conversations they get into! My younger boy announced that he learned something new about penguins. “What?” They asked. He promptly announced that they could shoot their poops over 16”! “Short range ammo!” was the response to that which lead to some other *rolling my eyes* comments. That then lead to them discussing how far they could pee. I tuned the conversation out at that point though the last I heard was something about 7’! Boys!

My daughter has informed me that she no longer wishes to do horse vaulting. We had been talking about it and I had told her it was her decision. I was a tad disappointed as I think she could do very well at it. It is also a sport that she doesn’t share with her brothers. But reading between the lines I can understand why she wants to quit. The people who run it are a bit on the stern side and my daughter tends to be sensitive, like her Mom. Easily brought to tears. She also started with one friend who since has had another friend join who lives close to her. So those two are close pals. I think Marissa is feeling the odd man out in that threesome. I swallow my disappointment; mostly because I know under better circumstances she would be happier with this sport, and tell her how proud I was that she stuck it out through her competition and earned her medal!

My two youngest are at a stage where they just can’t seem to get along. They bickered on the way home until I threatened to send them to bed with no dinner. Then they proceeded to stick their tongues out at each other, silently! At home, after getting their dinners, the bickering kicked in again. My head hurt and I just left the kitchen and sat at my computer. When my husband let me know the broccoli was done I told him I lost my appetite. I got my daughter to bed, only reading a few pages, pointing out that she spent her reading time arguing with her brother instead of getting ready for bed.

After that I played with Andy in the kitchen for awhile laughing as he tried to entice the cat to play. My son and I were laughing as the cat would bop Andy on the head but not hard enough to deter Andy, though enough that Andy would try to halt and then would slip on the floor. We figured the cat was laughing at him. My son scooped up the cat and headed off to bed though bending over to allow the cat one more bop on the head to Andy!

Andy is all tuckered out and I think it is time for me to head to bed! Night!

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Monday, June 7th, 2004
2:04 pm - A few dribbles to get my fingers wet ...
Life seems so much sunnier with Andy around. I find myself laughing at him and finding more humor in other things around me. Life is also busier and narrower as a puppy is quite demanding!

Friday we headed out to our property as it an incredible low! A –4.1! Unfortunately we couldn’t get out there until 3:30 and the lowest time was 2:30, but the kids all enjoyed their walk. I opted to stay up by the trailer as we were expecting someone to come by to give us a big on having a pad poured. We need to do this soon, as our new trailer will be ready soon! I can’t wait!

This weekend I worked out in my gardens. I finished putting my two strawberry beds together though it wiped me out as I discovered Sunday evening. I am way behind in my garden projects due mostly to the caterpillar infestation and then getting my puppy, which originally was planned for late July. Caught up on some weeding around my raspberries. Enjoying fresh strawberries and a few early raspberries. Still need to plant my boysenberries and my kiwi!

My cousin Matt and his wife had a baby girl! Congratulations to them. I know they were excited and my Aunt and Uncle were beside themselves! I am so happy for all of them. Hopefully my Aunt can finally let go of the loss of her own daughter and live in this new Grand Daughter.

Time to get ready to pick up kids and do the gym routine …

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Tuesday, June 1st, 2004
9:56 pm - Long Time ...
It has been so long since I posted a journal entry. I kept saying I wish I was keeping up as so many things have happened and it seems time is just flying by me so fast! I can't believe it is June all ready!

My kids most definitely keep me busy! Both my boys qualified at the State Meet for Regionals in Gymnastics. My younger boy was 2nd overall at State! and State Champ of P. Bars. He brought home 5 out of 7 medals at Regionals! They both did so well! They make me so proud!

My daughter competed in her first horse vaulting competition! She looked so grown up on that horse! She was also invited to be on the Trampoline/Tumbling Team and will be competing next season in that!

My son tried out and made the high school soccer team! We went to the awards banquet tonight! That booster club can keep one busy full time! *yikes*

I have been gardening as much as I can though I was distracted by the hordes of tent caterpillars that invaded our area! I had never seen so many, it was like something out of a Steven King movie! *eek*

The biggest, most recent event, that draws me back to my journals is the entry of Andy into my life! I finally got my new Service Dog puppy! I waited over two years for him and it was well worth the wait! :) I've decided to document his training and so I started his own journal ... Andy_ServiceDog as well as an email based one at Andy_Service_Dog@yahoogroups.com! Come visit us :)

Well the little guy is all tuckered out and sleeping here on my lap! I better go snooze while he is as he will be waking up soon and wanting to go potty!!!

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Wednesday, November 19th, 2003
9:56 pm - Fevers and Chills, oh no!
I can't believe my whole family is sick :(, even my husband. I almost feel guilty that I am not joining them though I am sure I will do my time in the sick bed as well. I catch everything! *grimace*

It just is so odd as it is usually me who is sick. My older son came down with it first on Tuesday and has spent the last two days in bed and barely eating. My younger son woke up coughing but said he was fine. I was late picking him up at school because my older boy's orthodontic appointment took so long. He sat on the curb looking so forlorn. Poor guy was running a fever too :(. I felt awful for being late but bless his little heart as he told me it was ok as he didn't want to ride the bus sick. As he was getting in the car my daughter's school called me and said she was running a fever of 102 and could I come and get her! *eek*

She had to miss horse vaulting today. Lucky for the boys it is their off day from gymnastics though my older boy missed yesterday. He is all ready groaning at all the potential homework he will have to make up.

My daughter was sick to her tummy, poor thing. When she threw up I took the bowl and it was actually hot on the bottom! I ran and took her temperature as that really startled me! 101.9. She is sleeping on the couch now and I haven't the heart to make her go upstairs to her bed.

My husband actually lay his head down on the table while reading his boating magazine! He commented that he wouldn't be going into work tomorrow. I can't remember, if ever, him taking a sick leave day! Poor guy.

Here I sit, fit as fiddle! Well as fit as possible for me. I downed some extra Vitamin C and some echinanea. *knock on wood*!

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Tuesday, November 18th, 2003
11:11 pm - Study face-lift.
I look around my study and I wonder ... "Why didn't I do this years ago?"

"Did what?" you ask. I complete makeover remodel! It isn't quite finished but so far I just love it. Even though the painting and wallpaper didn't quite go together like I had hoped I still love it!

It started out as simply wanting to buy a new desk for the kids to do their homework on. I wanted something simple mostly just a tabletop. I looked at several places and didn't find what I wanted within the price I was willing to pay. Then the Ikea catalog came in and there was the desk I wanted and very affordable. Then ...

I measured this old table that my husband had made years ago. It looked like a miniature picnic table. I had put it against our desk (door on file cabinets) years ago to create a T-Style desk arrangement. This was a temporary idea to see if I liked it, which lasted for over 6 years! I decided to replace it with another desk to match the one I was buying. Then I decided to get matching bookcases to sit on either side of the desk and a CD unit. While I was at it ;)!

Then I had my husband move the bulletin board from above the computers to a sidewall so it was reachable. The blank wall that was left just looked hideous! So I went all out and ordered wallpaper for the main wall, border for the whole room, and then bought paint for the other walls. I decided to sponge paint and took a faux painting workshop at Home Depot.

I spent 3 days sponge painting. First day Vintage Grape. (OK Mom, the walls are purple my skeptical kids commented.) It is a nice purple that matches the trim in the border I reassured them. Second day, Whispering Pine a dark green. (OK Mom this is totally weird, you should have just left it purple! Interesting was all my husband said) Have faith I told them all! Third day was Oat Cake, a soft cream. Oh what a difference it made as it really tied the first two colors together! Stunning, gorgeous, and the words of my oldest son, Way Cool! Everyone who sees it falls in love with it!

Next the wallpaper. A striped pattern in soft beiges with green and maroon stripes. Very soft and subtle. The border an elegant swirl of cream on a background of dark green (Whispering Pine) with purple (Vintage Grape) trim. Perfect for a study! Went with the new birch furniture perfectly! But not as perfect as I wanted with the sponge painting.

It is almost as if I created a conflict of emotions as the colors all match. The painting is exciting, stunning, and breathtaking. The wallpaper is calming, steady, and soothing. I am hoping that when I get done with painting the trim, the Whispering Pine, and putting up all the border it will pull it all together. Tomorrow I might sponge on some more of the Oak Cake to lighten it up some. Well all except this one wall which will be mostly hidden by the door when I get the doors re-installed. It is perfect. Even my son said, "Don't touch it Mom!"

My husband caught up in the whirlwind of remodeling even replaced the desk door with a new birch door. The former door dating all the way back to his college days! We installed new shelves over the computers and a new shelf the bookcases will sit on against the back wall. We are keeping the T-style desk system though he is going to attach the desk and the door together.

Cleaning the study out was quite the project and I still have piles scattered around the house. I couldn't believe the boxes of mixed paper that I had thrown together. You know those boxes ... company is coming and no time to sort through it all, so stuff it in a box till later type of box! I cleaned out 3 2-drawer file cabinets, retiring the ugly metal one to the basement and 5 bags full of paper to the recycle bin! I organized the other two creating lots of new files so I could finally file many of those papers. Cleaning the bookcases off so I could move them created this huge pile in my dining room! I can not believe how much stuff was on those bookcases. As soon as the shelf they sit on hardens I will put up the bookcases and go through that huge pile! Tackling the closet is in there too though not right now as I finish up painting the trim!

Whew what a project it has been. It has taken me over a month and 3 weekends worth of hubby helping to get it this far, and I just love it! Why didn't I do this years ago?

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